I parked my car, slowly
I didn’t need to bump into any pavements or other cars to make myself feel any more nervous than I already was. I turned the car off and took a few shaky breaths.
I couldn’t believe what I was about to do. I thought I was going to be sick. I stepped out of the car, crossed the road, pressed the buzzer and then walked up two flights of stairs.
Two smiling faces greeted me at the door, and I started to relax… and shake at the same time. I was welcomed in, and I tried to focus on the pleasantries but we all knew why I was there. I had something I really needed to say. “I don’t know how to say this, so I’ll just say it: I have loved being a part of this with you, but I can’t do it anymore. I have to leave, and I’m so sorry. I hope I haven’t let you down.” More smiles. A subtle glance at each other.
They’d had a feeling this was coming, they later told me. “We understand completely, and please don’t think you’re letting us down. This is your life, you have to do what makes you happy.” I almost started sobbing; the relief was palpable. I had done it. I had told the wonderful women at my makeup agency that, after working my butt off for years to try get an agent, I was leaving makeup. I was done. I walked out of there feeling lighter and freer than I had in the longest time. I had had a dream—a strong, crazy, beautiful dream—and then something had shifted, things had changed… and so had I.
Sometimes your dreams will follow you through their completion, and sometimes the path will veer right before your very eyes and you’ll wonder, in awe and confusion, how and why things changed so fast.
Sometimes you’ll push through, thinking you have to, surely. And that will take courage. And sometimes, like in this story, you’ll find a different kind of courage; the courage to dig deep, to take a shaky step forward, to open the door and walk up the stairs and knock, knock, knock… knowing that when it opens, you’ll be closing one door and stepping through to a new start. And you might be scared.
And you might want to be sick.
But you’ll be ready.
Because you chose this.
And because on the other side of that door—on the other side of fear—is something really beautiful, waiting for you to say yes to it.