A little while ago, I found myself in situation that really forced me to look at my boundaries
What happened next was that I noticed this ‘boundary thing’ popping up in a few different areas of my life. All of a sudden, I was being asked to create clear boundaries, and really look at not just what I was saying “yes” to… and what I was saying “no” to… but also look at where I felt I had to say “yes”, as if the other person was choosing for me… when the truth is, I can always choose.
What is a boundary?
A boundary is anything that marks a limit, a line that you feel shouldn’t be crossed. Sometimes we’re not even aware of where these lines are drawn, until someone steps over them. When someone crosses the line with you, you may feel upset, emotional, taken advantage of, used or even just hurt, sad or irritated.
When people push your boundaries, what do you do?
Some people or situations will come into your life just to teach you how to strengthen your personal, mental, emotional and spiritual boundaries.
You may find you feel as if your buttons are being pushed, or people are walking all over you, or you feel constantly pressured to say “yes” to everyone and everything… and it can feel really icky and uncomfortable… and really confronting too.
All of a sudden, you will be faced with decisions like: where is my line? How can I let people know they have crossed it, and how can I prevent them from crossing it again? Is it even ok for me to ask them to take a step back? Will they still love / accept / acknowledge / respect me?
The truth is that we teach people how to treat us… and how to communicate with us
You do have a choice in how people treat you.
You can set your own boundaries.
You do deserve to be respected and treated in a way that feels good to you.
Setting boundaries will improve your life, and how you feel about yourself.
Here are a few things to do when someone is pushing your boundaries…
- Tell them it’s not okay… Be honest in a gentle and kind way, but tell them you don’t feel good about XYZ and that you’re going to take a step back or make a change. Make it about how you’re feeling, so you don’t point any fingers or blame anyone else.
- Listen to your intuition… especially if you’re confused about how to act in this situation. This means you don’t need to REACT… you can calmly feel into what’s the best option here. Is it to walk away? Is it to stand your ground? For me, it’s usually that I need to stand my ground. Listen to what your intuition is telling you.
- Know that sometimes this just isn’t about you… sometimes people push our boundaries because they simply don’t know how else to act… they may be acting out of fear, or lack or a scarcity mindset, but their “stuff” doesn’t need to become your “stuff”.
- Stand your ground. For empaths (people who are very empathetic and sensitive) it can be really hard to stand your ground when someone is pushing your boundaries. You may feel like you ‘owe’ them something, or that you’re just helping them, but you can’t see how this may be affecting you. This can take a little work but often simply making the decision to not take others’ ‘stuff’ on board can be helpful.
- Walk away… with kindness and compassion and generosity of spirit.
- Strengthen your resolve to do what makes you happy… what works for you and what feels right in your heart. You do know the answer.
Do you feel like you get pushed around often?
What needs to change for you to respect your own boundaries?
What would life look like if you respected your own boundaries?
To your strong and assertive boundaries,
To doing what feels right for you,
To listening to your heart,