Can you think of a situation in your life which drains you, or a person whose presence and energy makes you feel uncomfortable?
It’s safe to say, we’ve all felt this way about a particular person or situation before. It might be a fear of someone controlling you, your intuition telling you the situation isn’t a good space for you to be in, or a fear that you can’t positively influence the situation in a positive way or have any say in how things turn out. It might just be that someone in your life is going through something negative and their energy seems to be leaching onto and into your life. Perhaps this person is always a little on the sour side, or perhaps they just lack the resilience to see the positive side of life, or the insight into their own behaviours to see how they’re the people around them.
Although sometimes these are situations or people we can’t move away from, we can always choose how we want to feel about it, or at least learn how remove our emotional attachment or involvement, so that we can feel protected when situations come up which we’d rather never face, or when dealing with people who we’d rather not have to spend time with.
But how can we learn to detach from external negativity and let it go?
How can we start to be open to positivity, even in the midst of a negative, draining situation?
It’s possible, although it takes a little work sometimes, and it may even feel icky and uncomfortable, if you’re open to it and conscious enough, you can let go of the negativity in your life and create space for compassion and positivity.
Can negativity be a good thing?
I think it can, if only so it acts as a beacon to show you how you don’t want to be, lighting the path for how you don’t want to act, and showing you the ways in which you don’t ever want to treat people. If we can look at others’ negativity and ‘soul-sucking’ actions with compassionate yet detached eyes, then we can learn from them, and walk away a much, much (much!) better person. Always.
Here are some tips on how to let go of negativity
- One of the best yet hardest things to do when faced with negativity is to detach from it. As hard as this sounds, know this isn’t about you. This is about someone else’s stuff which they’re (most likely) completely unconscious to. If you’re reading this post, and my blog, you’re someone who is conscious and aware of their sense of self and your own energy and presence. You’re someone who notices other people’s energy, whether dense or light, positive or negative. Know that what you’re feeling when you’re around this negative person is not about you. It’s about them, and their perception of the world and the situation. When we understand this, we can feel safer in the situation.
- Don’t take their bait or feed into their negativity. Remember, this isn’t about you. This is their perception, and you’re conscious enough to let their ‘stuff’ reflect back onto them.
- Do you feel as if you’re physically, emotionally or energetically taking on their negativity and negative emotions? Close your eyes, take some deep breaths, and imagine a rope or thick piece of string coming out of your abdomen or heart area and connecting with this person. Then… take a deep breath in, and out… and severe this rope, anyway you choose. Perhaps you cut the ties, perhaps you use scissors, or a knife, or you just visualise the rope or string breaking. Visualise yourself disconnecting and detaching. Deep breath in, and out… then send them love and compassion, but recognise that your energy is now completely yours again. You’re safe.
- Where and when possible, stay away from situations or people who drain you. Sometimes just getting out of someone’s way, or being more honest about how they’re making you feel, can and will make all the difference.
- Spend time with people who lift you up. If you really have to spend time with the negativity-shrouded person who keeps popping into your mind as you read this post, then do this: when you’re with them or interacting with them, imagine yourself in a bright, white or light golden bubble or egg. Imagine that every single negative word, phrase or fragment of energy which comes out their mouth or emanates off their body is just bouncing off your gorgeous, glowing bubble of light and reflecting back onto them. This is a powerful visualisation and it can change how you interact with negative people in your life.
- Give yourself space from the negativity in your life, in whichever form this takes for you. A day off. A day out of the city. A social media free day. A long conversation with someone about something uplifting. Giggles with girlfriends. Solo beach walks. Tea on the couch. Or in bed. Or in the bath. Just tea, anywhere.
- Yoga it out of yourself. Pain and emotions get stuck in our body if we don’t give them the attention they need*. One of the best ways to move ‘stuff’ through and out of hearts, minds, bodies and souls, is through yoga. But of course…
Sore neck? This relates to relationship problems, an inability to communicate feelings, feeling stuck, pressured, like something or someone is strangling you.
Sore hips? Family problems and disagreements. Feeling used, unappreciated, angry, betrayed, deceived, let down, show down, alienated. Experiencing strain, frustration, guilt, lack of support. Feeling unacknowledged, taken advantage of, manipulated.
Sore back? Feeling unsupported, overwhelmed, and under too much pressure. Carrying suppressed and unresolved emotions from the past.
I could go on about how things we feel get stuck in our bodies if we ignore them, but I’ll leave that for another post…
- Another way to let go of negativity is to journal it out of yourself. If you’re not journalling yet, please start! Not only does it build your resilience and allow insight into certain situations, but it’s also such a magical, therapeutic, deeply emotional release, bringing about a positively-charged renewal of the situation and softening how you feel about it.
- Sometimes you just have to cry it out. Big, heaving, gulping sobs.
- Sometimes you just have to take a step back and look at the situation with hindsight, or an eagle eye’s view. Take it as a lesson for how to act differently next time. Let it strengthen your positivity and your shiny outlook on life.
How can you make things easier for yourself?
How can you let yourself feel safe, secure and supported in the midst of negative people’s intense or draining energy?
How can you let it go, and let it flow away?
How can you reassure yourself that this is not about you?
How can you become more conscious of your own precious energy and look after yourself?
Do you have some beautiful tricks up your sleeve? Let me know in the comments below.
*Thank you to The Secret Language of Your Body, by Inna Segal for this beautiful insight into what our bodies are truly telling us